As I was walking home one day, I noticed a couple ahead of me. Every few minutes they stopped to smooch and whisper to each other. All of sudden their gentle touches became violent. They began yelling at each other in the middle of the street. I was tripping on this couple because the words they yelled made me wonder why they were together in the first place. Neither of them displayed the ingredients for a normal, healthy relationship. They weren’t even aware of how ignorant and disrespectful they were being. Well the conversation ended when the “gentleman” yelled “You suck my d!#k!” Not one for backing down, the “young lady” replied, “Well you eat my pu$#y!”
This is not the first time I’ve witnessed “loving couples,” married and unmarried go at it in public. I have been at small friendship gatherings, birthday parties, and at family reunions where this disrespect has become the new norm between couples. They would argue, belittle, curse at one another and bring out personal failures while everyone in attendance looked on. Not only is this disrespectful, but it could also lead to domestic violence. Then these “loving couples” have the nerve to tell those in the room to stay out of their business. Well, if they didn’t want folks commenting or gossiping about their business, they should argue at home.
What especially troubles me is when these couples are Christians because Born Again Christians are to have the Holy Spirit within them. The Holy Spirit, when allowed, chastens our behavior and should hold our tongue. The Holy Spirit quickens our thoughts to snap us back into the reality of God being our God, Jesus being our Lord, and the Holy Spirit being our teacher. It tells me that these “Christian” couples are still babies in their spiritual development or have not allowed the Holy Trinity to be the Lord in their lives.
One source of the communication breakdown is that many relationships are built from nothing. The foundation may be built on sex vs. friendship and respect. If a relationship is built only on a good 14 minutes, if you’re lucky, of “Wow, that feels so good,” then essentially it’s meaningless. Then many couples try to force a sexual live-in relationship into a meaningful one. Let’s be real! The rent is due, and your utilities are about to be disconnected. At least if you live together, both of you can pay the bills and the sex will be readily available. Many times, the man has no intention of marriage. He wants the benefits of a wife – a nurturer, a caretaker, a bill paying partner, sex partner, etc. – without the commitment of being a husband. The woman may be biding her time until she can trap him into a meaningful relationship with a baby or convince him that marriage is the way to go. What’s sad is that children are often are born into these meaningless relationships. Without positive role models in mom and dad or adults around them, these children have little hope of understanding how to develop their own meaningful man/woman relationships as adults or how to act as husband and wife as God established it to be. The children now have generational curses afflicted upon them, which can lead to violence and destruction among our future generations.
It’s natural for loving couples to have disagreements, but for those looking to build a foundation of friendship, this disagreement is one of mutual respect. A normal disagreement opens a channel to learn more about one another. A meaningful relationship is developed s-l-o-w-l-y over time while trying to avoid sex when possible. These meaningful relationships begin with layers of respecting one another’s opinions, knowledge, talents, shortcomings, accomplishments, creativity, spiritual knowledge and gifts, understanding, and maturity. Respect is gained on each level, thus making the relationship stronger and its love more meaningful. Once that relationship turns into marriage, unconditional love is added to the foundation. That does not mean the couple will never argue again, but if they are Christians, they understand that love and respect is a growing process (1st Corinthians, Chapter 13: 1-13) and that we have growth opportunities every day (Saint Luke, Chapter 13:6-9).
Most importantly, couples who sincerely love and respect each other will NEVER shout insults to each other like that couple I saw on the street. They RESPECT each other and their relationships too much.
What part do you play in your current relationship? Are the one quick to anger, yelling disrespectful words at your mate? Reflect on the Bible verses above about growth and pray that the Holy Spirit helps you learn how to hold your tongue. Is the foundation of your relationship love and respect or sex and physical feelings? If sex is all you have, take the time to examine whether this is the mate God has intended for you.