CHANGE MY BEHAVIOR

Many times, I literally did not know how I was going to make it. There were times when I literally thought that I was losing my mind. I did not know how I was going to make it through the pressure of waiting and constantly praying through the fears and mix emotions. I realize that as a human being, I am not as strong as I pretend to be. The trials and tribulations of life knocked me into the reality of my human inability. It caused to question why I even exist.

That question compels you to take a long look in the mirror at your existence, so long that sometimes even your beliefs begin to feel like a fraud. I thought I had faith. I thought I was a strong Christian. I thought.

It is not until you go through various trials and tribulations that you begin to understand you have absolutely no control of the outcomes in life. You start to realize that your life could be over at any moment. You begin to acknowledge that you are as frail as a bug that is smashed against a vehicle going 55 miles per hour on the expressway. You begin to realize how foolish you have been and that the things in your past that irritated you, really do not matter.

You begin to appreciate the simple things of life. You begin to relax because you have learned through those trials and tribulations to rest in the everlasting arms of your Heavenly Father. Knowing Jesus is right there constantly making intercessions on your behalf is a great feeling. You begin to understand that God is time and no one can do anything to you that God did not permit, for God has already made a way for you to escape and to survive. All you have to do is listen to God’s voice as He encourages you to move forward or sometimes stand still and witness.

We are required to trust God and be obedient to God’s word. God does not want us to be religious about him as the millions of confessing Christians seem to do. Trusting in God’s word, the Holy Scriptures, is what trials and tribulations teach us to do. Those trials and tribulations become the very scriptures that you read but did not know understand before. Those Holy Scriptures come alive – activated through your trials and tribulations, and that is how your Faith begins to grow.
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On Sunday, May 2, 2010, I received a phone call from a church friend from my formal church informing me that one of the youth, now an adult, was killed and that the funeral was going to be held on Monday, May 3, 2010.

At first, I could not remember who this youth was for his street name is “Pool.”  Then I remembered, and I did not feel as bad as I should have about Pool’s death.  Why, you may ask?  Pool chose the gang life.  When I tried to work with Pool, he was 16-years-old; he had dropped out of school and joined the street gang.  I had provided all I had to offer to help Pool, but it was Pool’s choice.  I gave him every opportunity that I gave to each youth in his circle. Pool tried to intimidate me on several occasions; he never went through with the threats because he knew he would have gotten a beat-down from the other gang members and youth who were not afraid of him.

In addition, my formal church friend told me that an email was sent stating “there was 10, 9 more to go.” We all know what that means.
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What is up with this “Minister in Training” thing?

First, let me tell you. I do not like the term “Minister in Training.” Each one of us will always be in “training” until we die. We should always be learning something – growing somewhere within ourselves. I feel that no other faith leader, pastor, elder, or whoever, in a religious capacity, has a right to determine the level of “training” within the Body of Christ. It is THE HOLY SPIRIT’S JOB and not theirs. Now, if the “leaders” are speaking solely of the work within their church walls, I can get with it, but not when it comes to the entire Body of Christ – The Church.

Secondly, please tell me where in the Word of God did God or Jesus ever tell any Servant that He was “Called and Chosen” or was in “training?” IT IS NOT SCRIPTUAL – PEOPLE! This is just another religious thing.

Finally, God and/or Jesus may reveal to the “leader” the calling or anointing of the servant. However, it is and will always be the servant’s responsibility to be obedient to the Holy Spirit – Almighty God and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I have learned that many “leaders” may become jealous of the anointing of one of God’s servants. In addition, most male religious leaders DO NOT agree that women have been chosen to teach and preach God’s Word even if he says he does (He is lying or in denial.). I based this statement on what I have experienced. Give it time; you will notice how a male leader will begin to treat a female servant of God. You may have experienced something different – good for you. I can only testify of what I have gone through.

As a result, I am no longer under any “leader” when it comes to the ministry of what God has chosen me to do. I know what my anointing is and I know most men have a problem with it, so I do my ministry in silence and the Church reaps the harvest. I do obey leadership because I will become involved with other activities of the church. I will not reveal that I am an anointed minister, teacher, preacher, evangelist, and prophet. My ministry is NOT within church walls. My ministry is in the field.
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Religion is what one practices.  Faith is what a person becomes in accepting God (Jewish Faith) and or Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior (Christian faith) in their lives.  With faith, someone has welcomed, declared, and given full permission for God and/or Jesus Christ to become number one ruler in and over his or her life.  Religion does not do that.  Religion is what one practices to try and meet a need – a need to feel complete – a need to feel spiritual – a need to feel. Brushing one’s teeth everyday is a ritual – a religious practice with the person having to do the same thing each time in order to get results.

With faith in God and/or Jesus Christ, once a person accepts God and/or Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, one is complete and God will meet all of your needs.   Once a person confesses with his or her mouth that God is the only Living God and Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior and believes in their heart that God raised Jesus Christ from the Dead, that person is reconciled back to God.  That person is redeemed by the Living Sacrifice – Jesus Christ Himself – that is it!  There is no turning back. One can back slide.  One can turn away, but baby, no matter what you do, you are still God’s property.  In fact – all souls return to God even if one decides to choose another religion.

Now you can disagree with me all you want.  However, it is about God’s grace and mercy and Jesus Christ’s redemption – reconciling us back to God, the Living God.  One cannot practice God. It does not matter if you do not want to pray; you are still God’s property.  It does not matter if you are on drugs or have a bad addiction; you are still God’s property.  It does not matter if you are rich or poor, you are still God’s property.   Otherwise, it does not matter what you do; you are still God’s property. It is your choice how deep you want be in your relationship just as if you were married to another human being. Whatever you invest in your relationship with God is what you are going to get out of it – it is up to you, but you are still God’s property.
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There are times that I want to ball myself up into a corner.  One part of me wants to bite, fight, and kick anyone who comes close to me.  The other part of me wants to be hugged by a friend I can trust in order to release all of the anguish, fear, and pain.  Do I remain strong, or am I really strong? Do I show that I am weak by releasing?

Paul says to be content in whatever state we’re in.  “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.” (Philippians 4:11-12)

For me, to remain content means that I am happy. It would be a lie to say that I am happy in the state I am in right now. The storms of life do not give me pleasure even when I know that they may be the will of God to strengthen me.  Do you want to know the truth – the real truth? I am not happy in the state that I am right now.

I wonder where or when does faith apply in all of this?  When do I get to the place in my life – in my family’s life – of where I think we should be and where I can be content and feel safe?  Did you not hear me?  I said, where I think we should be.  Is God’s will in that sentence somewhere?  I do not know and right now, I do not care about this faith thing. I want what I want and feel that I need it all.  Do you feel like that sometimes, too? I know that I am going through a storm.  I know it seems really bad right now.  I know.

Is it not in these times that we are to seek out the will of God in our lives – whatever that means – the will that is?  Is it not in the times of those storms, we are to question our existence – our purpose? Do we really know God’s will for our lives is to be enlightened- to reach another level in our human development?   You know the “if it does not kill you but make you stronger thing.” (Laugh)

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