Suddenly, I awaken to find myself floating in a mass of water. Paralyzed with fear, I tilt my head to the left and saw water. I tilt my head to the right and saw water. I look straight up and saw the sky. Questions speeds through my thoughts trying to understand how I got to this place. Why am I here in the ocean?
There is no floating device to keep me from drowning. I am wondering what is sustaining me – keeping me in this mass of water…
As I float, thoughts of my family, friends and even my enemies filled my eyes with tears. I feel that my demised is near. How would I connect with them once more? Do they know that I am gone? Do they miss me? I began to reflect on relationships and forgiveness. I began to search my heart for anything I have done wrong and did not correct when I had the opportunity.
Repented for anything and everything I have done or did not do that I was supposed to do. I do not want anything to keep me from seeing the Glory of God. I want to make certain that I was going home to Jesus, so I have to make certain that I have forgiven those who have hurt me. I know that if I do not forgive, I was not going home to be with my God, Lord, and Savior. I knew that unforgiveness was the absolute sin. I knew God would not forgive me if I did not forgive. I knew that my final judgment and sentence would be eternal damnation – to hell.
I do not want to go there – to hell.
I am afraid to move among in this ocean, so I lay as still as I could. I do not see or feel any sharks, fish, or anything touching me. I could not see or feel anything that could destroy me. All I can see and feel is this ocean and the rays of light streaming from the sky unto my face.
I do not know what is keeping me afloat. I am just glad I am floating and not drowning in this ocean.
I do not know what to do nor do I know how I am going to survive right now. I call out to God. “Please have mercy on me!” “God, please hear my cry and save me!” Fear strikes me, so I must do something. God is not saying anything. I cannot hear His voice. I cry once more. “God, please speak to me and tell me what to do.” God, please show me what to do. God, I cannot stand still in this ocean for long. I am afraid that I will drown, for I do not know what is keeping me afloat. I cannot just float in this mass ocean of water and do nothing. I have to somehow make it or die trying. I have to fight. I have to survive. I do not know what to fight nor do I know how I am going to survive. I have never experience this before. I just know that I have to make a move. I have to do something, so I position my body to swim.
Nervously, I kick my legs. I turn my head and body in a complete circle to see anything or anyone that could help me – save me. I do not see a boat or a ship, so I look up to the sky, and I do not see a plane. I began to swim. I do not know what direction I am to swim, but I must swim to a destiny – to a place of refuge. As I swim, I need to stop and float to catch my breath. Still, there is no boat or ship in sight, so I look up to the sky hoping to see a plane. I see nothing in this ocean.
Aghhh! “God forgive me!” I yelled.
My heart stricken with sorrow, for I began to realized how selfish I must have been when I asked for forgiveness, here and right now, in this ocean. I wonder if I would have asked for forgiveness when I did not find myself in this ocean. I kept wondering why my salvation is so important to me now. I find myself floating and swimming in a direction that I do not know where. All I can think about is my salvation. Wondering and hoping that I did everything right when I had the opportunity.
Hoping that I was sincere for only God knows my heart. I do not know my heart. I just did what I was taught as my experiences condition me to be. I have to stop swimming now because my tears of sorrow are flooding my eyes. Now, I realized that, at first, I did not seek my first love. I did not seek my God – my Heavenly Father when I awoke and found myself in this ocean. I took my God for granted. I took my salvation for granted. Was I grateful for all God has done for me?
“God forgive me for I did not call-out to you first. I did not seek you first. I did not pray to you first. All I did was ask for your forgiveness, but it was for selfish motives. I am not certain that it is from my heart that I repented. I just wanted to make certain that I would not go to hell, so I said all the words that I was taught to say. Please God have mercy on me and forgive me.”
“Heavenly Father, I am afraid!” God, why am I in this ocean and how did I get here? Why am I here? God, please send someone to help me. God, please send a plane, a ship, or a boat. God, please send me help. God, I need your help right now! Please God speak to me. Speak to me right now! Oh Dear God, please give me the strength to swim until you send help. Please Dear God; please protect me in this ocean. Please God keep me from drowning. God please keep me according to your grace and mercy!”
All of a sudden, I wake up as sweat and tears drench me. It was all a dream. “Whew! This dream seems so real. Have mercy on me! I do not want to go through that.” I lay back down in my bed, but I could not go back to sleep. I knew God wanted to speak to me. I got out of my bed and I kneel to the floor to pray. As I prayed, I heard the voice of the Lord speak to me.
“The Voice said unto me that I found myself in this ocean, but it was not an ocean of water to why I lay afloat, but the ocean represented God’s mercy.”
“The Voice said unto me that I found myself to looked up to the sky to feel the light rays upon me, but it was not the rays of light from the sky that was upon me, but the sky represented God’s grace.”
“The Voice said unto me that I did not have a floating device for all that I needed was God’s keeping power.”
“The Voice said unto me that I woke up out of my fear because I realized my sins and why I should never take my salvation for granted.”
Then I heard the Voice no more.
I understand now that no matter what I do, the keeping power of God’s Grace and Mercy surrounds me always.