Many times, I literally did not know how I was going to make it. There were times when I literally thought that I was losing my mind. I did not know how I was going to make it through the pressure of waiting and constantly praying through the fears and mix emotions. I realize that as a human being, I am not as strong as I pretend to be. The trials and tribulations of life knocked me into the reality of my human inability. It caused to question why I even exist.
That question compels you to take a long look in the mirror at your existence, so long that sometimes even your beliefs begin to feel like a fraud. I thought I had faith. I thought I was a strong Christian. I thought.
It is not until you go through various trials and tribulations that you begin to understand you have absolutely no control of the outcomes in life.
What is up with this “Minister in Training” thing?
First, let me tell you. I do not like the term “Minister in Training.” Each one of us will always be in “training” until we die. We should always be learning something – growing somewhere within ourselves. I feel that no other faith leader, pastor, elder, or whoever, in a religious capacity, has a right to determine the level of “training” within the Body of Christ. It is THE HOLY SPIRIT’S JOB and not theirs. Now, if the “leaders” are speaking solely of the work within their church walls, I can get with it, but not when it comes to the entire Body of Christ – The Church.
Religion is what one practices. Faith is what a person becomes in accepting God (Jewish Faith) and or Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior (Christian faith) in their lives. With faith, someone has welcomed, declared, and given full permission for God and/or Jesus Christ to become number one ruler in and over his or her life. Religion does not do that. Religion is what one practices to try and meet a need – a need to feel complete – a need to feel spiritual – a need to feel. Brushing one’s teeth everyday is a ritual – a religious practice with the person having to do the same thing each time in order to get results.
There are times that I want to ball myself up into a corner. One part of me wants to bite, fight, and kick anyone who comes close to me. The other part of me wants to be hugged by a friend I can trust in order to release all of the anguish, fear, and pain. Do I remain strong, or am I really strong? Do I show that I am weak by releasing?
Paul says to be content in whatever state we’re in. “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.” (Philippians 4:11-12)
One day, I walked out at 6:00 a.m. as the bright Sun peak within the clear blue sky. I would lift my arms half way to say, “Thank you Lord” for another day. I did not want folks to think that I was crazy, so I lift my arms half way. Then I was reminded of the passage “I will be ashamed of you if you are ashamed of me,” so I lift my arms as straight as I could to give God FULL PRAISE! After all, God has done more for me within these 6 hours of a new day than I could ever imagine.