CHANGE MY BEHAVIOR

The Ocean

Suddenly, I awaken to find myself floating in a mass of water. Paralyzed with fear, I tilt my head to the left and saw water. I tilt my head to the right and saw water. I look straight up and saw the sky. Questions speeds through my thoughts trying to understand how I got to this place. Why am I here in the ocean?

There is no floating device to keep me from drowning. I am wondering what is sustaining me – keeping me in this mass of water…

As I float, thoughts of my family, friends and even my enemies filled my eyes with tears. I feel that my demised is near. How would I connect with them once more? Do they know that I am gone? Do they miss me? I began to reflect on relationships and forgiveness. I began to search my heart for anything I have done wrong and did not correct when I had the opportunity.
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Many times, I literally did not know how I was going to make it. There were times when I literally thought that I was losing my mind. I did not know how I was going to make it through the pressure of waiting and constantly praying through the fears and mix emotions. I realize that as a human being, I am not as strong as I pretend to be. The trials and tribulations of life knocked me into the reality of my human inability. It caused to question why I even exist.

That question compels you to take a long look in the mirror at your existence, so long that sometimes even your beliefs begin to feel like a fraud. I thought I had faith. I thought I was a strong Christian. I thought.

It is not until you go through various trials and tribulations that you begin to understand you have absolutely no control of the outcomes in life. You start to realize that your life could be over at any moment. You begin to acknowledge that you are as frail as a bug that is smashed against a vehicle going 55 miles per hour on the expressway. You begin to realize how foolish you have been and that the things in your past that irritated you, really do not matter.

You begin to appreciate the simple things of life. You begin to relax because you have learned through those trials and tribulations to rest in the everlasting arms of your Heavenly Father. Knowing Jesus is right there constantly making intercessions on your behalf is a great feeling. You begin to understand that God is time and no one can do anything to you that God did not permit, for God has already made a way for you to escape and to survive. All you have to do is listen to God’s voice as He encourages you to move forward or sometimes stand still and witness.

We are required to trust God and be obedient to God’s word. God does not want us to be religious about him as the millions of confessing Christians seem to do. Trusting in God’s word, the Holy Scriptures, is what trials and tribulations teach us to do. Those trials and tribulations become the very scriptures that you read but did not know understand before. Those Holy Scriptures come alive – activated through your trials and tribulations, and that is how your Faith begins to grow.
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On Sunday, May 2, 2010, I received a phone call from a church friend from my formal church informing me that one of the youth, now an adult, was killed and that the funeral was going to be held on Monday, May 3, 2010.

At first, I could not remember who this youth was for his street name is “Pool.”  Then I remembered, and I did not feel as bad as I should have about Pool’s death.  Why, you may ask?  Pool chose the gang life.  When I tried to work with Pool, he was 16-years-old; he had dropped out of school and joined the street gang.  I had provided all I had to offer to help Pool, but it was Pool’s choice.  I gave him every opportunity that I gave to each youth in his circle. Pool tried to intimidate me on several occasions; he never went through with the threats because he knew he would have gotten a beat-down from the other gang members and youth who were not afraid of him.

In addition, my formal church friend told me that an email was sent stating “there was 10, 9 more to go.” We all know what that means.
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What is up with this “Minister in Training” thing?

First, let me tell you. I do not like the term “Minister in Training.” Each one of us will always be in “training” until we die. We should always be learning something – growing somewhere within ourselves. I feel that no other faith leader, pastor, elder, or whoever, in a religious capacity, has a right to determine the level of “training” within the Body of Christ. It is THE HOLY SPIRIT’S JOB and not theirs. Now, if the “leaders” are speaking solely of the work within their church walls, I can get with it, but not when it comes to the entire Body of Christ – The Church.

Secondly, please tell me where in the Word of God did God or Jesus ever tell any Servant that He was “Called and Chosen” or was in “training?” IT IS NOT SCRIPTUAL – PEOPLE! This is just another religious thing.

Finally, God and/or Jesus may reveal to the “leader” the calling or anointing of the servant. However, it is and will always be the servant’s responsibility to be obedient to the Holy Spirit – Almighty God and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I have learned that many “leaders” may become jealous of the anointing of one of God’s servants. In addition, most male religious leaders DO NOT agree that women have been chosen to teach and preach God’s Word even if he says he does (He is lying or in denial.). I based this statement on what I have experienced. Give it time; you will notice how a male leader will begin to treat a female servant of God. You may have experienced something different – good for you. I can only testify of what I have gone through.

As a result, I am no longer under any “leader” when it comes to the ministry of what God has chosen me to do. I know what my anointing is and I know most men have a problem with it, so I do my ministry in silence and the Church reaps the harvest. I do obey leadership because I will become involved with other activities of the church. I will not reveal that I am an anointed minister, teacher, preacher, evangelist, and prophet. My ministry is NOT within church walls. My ministry is in the field.
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